So, we're this close to cracking the magical 10,000 mark on the Alexa rankings. You heard me, this close. That’s actually a pretty big deal, especially considering that we were something like 100,000 this time last year. However, since March, we have climbed steadily, and now we’re ranking right around 10,000 daily. You know, it occurs to me that Nick hired me in March. I wonder . . .

I want to start out with something fun . . . I want to start out with . . .

OMGninjas Reviews Games That He Has Never Played

Ape Escape 2
OMGninjas: Oh no, the apes have escaped, too!

Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
OMGninjas: I arced a lad once.

Return To Castle Wolfenstein: Tides of War
OMGninjas: Best game ever! 2 stars!

Advance Wars 2: Black Hole Rising
OMGninjas: This was so good, my emulator crashed.

Wario World
OMGninjas: "Wario World" spelled backwards is "Treasure sucks."

Viewtiful Joe (import)
OMGninjas: This is the kiddiest shit that I've ever seen in my life. Gamecube blows.

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
OMGninjas: Star Wars was never cool, and you are fat and perpetually single because of it.

Sonic Adventure DX
OMGninjas: The "DX" stands for "You buy bad games."

Warcraft 3: The Frozen Throne
OMGninjas: Where's Starcraft II?

That was so much fun. Now, this next part isn't game-related at all, so you can skip it if you want, although you shouldn't because I am a master of the comedic arts.

Goth People Should Never Have Cats

I went into the cigarette store the other day to support my filthy habit (a habit that Ali, Reno, Bahn, and a number of other people can vouch for), when I saw a couple of goth kids in there, presumably buying cigarettes because cigarettes are bad, and they're all about badness. Anyway, the experience led me to the conclusion that goth people shouldn't have cats. Yeah, I know that cats are supposed to be mystical and wicked and all that, but all you Children of the Darkness should probably just leave kitty at Mom's house.

You see, when you're trying to look all disturbed in your black clothes, it looks really funny when your entire back is covered with cat hair. I mean really, everyone knows that animal hair shows up really well on black, or didn't the Necronomicon mention that? You look especially funny when it's white cat hair, because I find it totally hard to believe that you can sufficiently brood when you're petting your white, long-haired furry friend.

Back to the gaming stuff.

PS2s Break ALL OF THE TIME

This seems to be a subject that has been coming up a lot recently for me both online and off. So, please read the title of this section again. Yes, it’s true. I don't care who you are, but you cannot sufficiently argue against that point, especially with anyone who has worked gaming retail in the last couple of years.

One argument seems to be that it's because there are so many PlayStation 2s out there, and so therefore that gives the false impression that many of them are faulty, even if it's just a small percentage. Wrong. I knew a lot more people who had an NES during its peak, and I didn't know anyone who ever had one die on them, at least until many years later when the problems with the pin connectors surfaced.

The other argument I hear is that people just don't treat their systems very well. That might be true, but to go back to the NES comparison: I used to beat the crap out of my NES. I treated that thing worse than any other piece of electronics ever. I blew in it, hit it, pulled it off the stand, you name it. I didn't do that to my PS2, and it broke. Oh wait, I did move it from one room to another. I guess I missed that warning in my owner's manual.

So, the conclusion is that, yes, PS2s are complete piles of plastic crap, and while you might argue that fact, the five broken ones we got back at work within two days says that you're an idiot.

Acclaim Drops GameCube Support

This is kind of like finding out that a long lost great-uncle died and left you a billion dollars in his will. You know that in a way you should feel bad about it, but the good news just outweighs the bad by so much that you can‘t help but feel giddy.

I mean even thought Cube owners very rarely buy third-party games, who actually buys an Acclaim game on purpose for any system? I know that one friend of mine bought Turok when it came out, but he's one of those guys that will buy damn near anything that might have a chance at being popular. So, really, this is kind of like finding out that White Castle is refusing to make lunch for you anymore. In theory you might feel kind of left out, but it's really all for the best.

Shenmue III Kinda Sorta Confirmed To Be In Development

This is really the best news all week, since I would very likely cry if I thought that I'd never get to see Ryo avenge his father's death. Yes, I know that's what’s going to happen in the end, but knowing the ending has never stopped me from enjoying a good book. They should probably just cram the last 34 chapters of the game into this installment though, and just release it as a twelve-disc game for the Xbox 2, just to save me the heartache of having to wait and wonder between installments. And AM2, if you're reading, and I know you are: Ren is money in the bank. Just a tip.

In related news, Wolves of the Calla, the fifth in the series of Stephen King's Dark Tower books is coming in November. The Dark Tower books are the other series in my life that makes me wish I could skip ahead in time.

Okay, this is the part where I tell you to read all the stuff I've done lately.

This Is My Greatest Review, and I'm Not Even Lying

My Most Viewtiful Review

My Ikaruga Review, With Matching Satire

You Should Probably Read This, Too - By My Better Half

That’s it. Time to go home now. See you next week or whenever.

· · · AFX