Seems like the staff is pretty busy with all the big-name releases we've had so far this quarter, but not too busy to listen to soundtracks, juggle PR people, mock their victims, and even do a bit of game philosophizing on the side. Another good read on the Report.

Ross Fisher

Running from the Ninja
It seems imprudent to start my contribution to this edition of the Gaming Report without addressing a few of the comments made about my Ninja Gaiden review. First, I want to assure everyone that I did not make a "typo." My score was accurately transcribed by Nick. Thank you for making sure there wasn't some kind of goof-up.

Second, I was going to go over every issue that was brought up, but during the course of the discussion that occurred in the talkback section all the points I was going to make . . . were made for me. So all I have to add to the dialog is, please don't attack my ability to play video games. I'm actually pretty damn good at first-person shooters, and I'm not the worst Super Smash Bros. Melee player in the room.

In retrospect, if I were going to change anything about my review, I would probably drop the paragraph where I discuss my "wishes" for Ninja Gaiden and its inevitable sequels. Beyond that I'm pretty happy with how the review turned out, and I only wish that I could have hammered it out a bit sooner.

Frustration vs. Fun vs. Challenge
I've been thinking about this topic ever since my Ninja Gaiden review went up. I know some gamers who don't think a game is fun unless it challenges you to mortal combat and then kills your dog. Personally, I look at the subject with this thought: people like romantic comedies.

Think about it for a moment. Romantic comedies are the bottom-of-the-barrel stupidity of the movie industry. You could go rent one from the 80's right now, and you could probably guess each plot twist. Despite this, people still watch them. Why? Because some people don't want to be challenged.

In fact, for some people half the fun is in the comfort that comes from seeing the guy get the girl yet again. Just as for some gamers the fun must lay in saving the girl or blowing up the bad guy with no "GAME OVER" screens or continues. How else could you explain the high sales of cheat devices and magazines dedicated to cheating?

Isn't one of the big selling points of video games the fun factor? I don't recall any magazine ads selling me games as a kid that were "hard, challenging, and frustrating." If the games aren't fun enough when you're just running in circles firing your gun at the walls, how are they somehow better if they're challenging? I've barely scratched the surface here, but I plan to return to this topic again.

Amazingziong!
I'm going to copyright this word, gosh darn it, because it so perfectly describes my feeling about Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow's multiplayer modes. So far I haven't gotten to play nearly enough of the darn thing, but what I have played is the most amazingly cool stuff since . . . well, forever. I haven't played an online video game this fun and innovative since . . . well, a long damn time! Sure Tribes was cool back in the day and all, but this is something that truly is innovative.

I also want to comment really quickly on the first-person controls for the mercenaries: whoever designed them should be put in charge of the next Rainbow Six. They're that perfect, smooth, and ever so damn slick. It would take me far too long to describe all the ways the controls and the motion of the movement are great, but take it from a first-person shooter fanatic: it's great!

Finally, there's nothing cooler than grabbing a mercenary from behind and trash-talking him (using the headset) before you snap his neck unceremoniously. Or if you wish you can use him as a human shield, but sadly you can't fire back while doing this. Personally, I recommend just snapping necks without any talk. It makes you seem like more of a badass. It's like you're saying "punk-ass newbie" without actually saying "punk-ass newbie."

Please, No More Triple-A Games
At the end of my last Gaming Report, I mentioned the plethora of games coming out in March and joked that few people should try to buy, much less play, all the games coming out. If only I had known that I would end up doing both. In some ways I wish I hadn't picked up so many games, but in other ways it's nice to know I'm covered as we head into somewhat of a dry spell for new releases. Looking ahead, the only games I see between now and Halo 2 that are on my "Must Buy!" list are River City Ransom EX and Doom 3.

To me, April looks to be more of movie watching month, what with Hellboy; Kill Bill, Vol. 2; Walking Tall; and The Punisher. It's been a long time since so many movies have sparked my interest, and I'm looking forward to spending some time with a snug theater seat.

Daniel Bucy

I've recently watched myself slowly become a blathering idiot, as the combination of fast-paced ninja fights, special red items that always turn out to be "Booma's right arm," and my recent participation in large, huge-scale, online mech battles the likes of which 99% of the gaming population will never get the chance to experience has finally taken a noticeable toll on me.

Ninja Gaiden has turned out exactly as it should have, thoroughly reminding the entire gaming population what it should feel like when you run into a room full of enemies with half a health bar and no way back out. The bragging has already begun from those who find it easy, but honestly, I don't believe a word of it. You all wanted to cry when you fought the nunchuku boss, and that's that.

PSO is PSO - what else needs to be said? Having last tested these waters on the Dreamcast, I must admit finally playing Ultimate mode is quite the mind eff. I mean how did the giant bear things turn into turtles?

And finally, yes folks, Line of Contact.

I will be getting back to you on that one really soon, with not so much a review as a journal of how one man's life has been utterly consumed, regurgitated, and eaten again by a game that until recently he had almost no thoughts on other than, "Wow, that looks cool."

Till then, I'll see you all on Pandora Tomorrow, whispering sweet nothings into your ears.

Mark Ryan

After playing through Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes and collecting all the dog tags on Normal difficulty, I followed up by tackling Ubi Soft's take on tactical espionage, Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow. Fair warning here: the following opinions are based entirely on the single-player aspect of Pandora Tomorrow, since I have not played the multiplayer much at all.

All right, plain and simple - I absolutely abhor Pandora Tomorrow. When I first started playing I got excited, I have to admit. The graphics are stunning for the most part, especially the lightning and the organic settings of the jungle levels. If you haven't played the game yet and you're wondering how good it could actually look, consider this: Pandora Tomorrow looks so good that it's blinded the gaming press to the absolute crap gameplay it possesses.

Without going into a full-on review, I'll try to sum up the biggest problems quickly. Most importantly, in a game like this - a stealth game, where the goal is to remain unseen, set off no alarms, and sneak silently - it is unquestionably essential that artificial intelligence for the enemies is defined by strict rules that the player can grasp and depend on, letting the player work with those strict rules to get through the game as prescribed in the game design. Problem here is, the AI in Pandora Tomorrow is inconsistent. I've played certain areas of a level dozens of times over (my goal is to beat the game without setting off any alarms) and every time, the AI behaves in a slightly different manner than the last time.

No matter how specifically I time everything, a blown light bulb will sometimes be completely ignored one time but cause a nearby guard to call three of his buddies to rigorously search the area other times. A specific incidence of AI snafu that occurred recently involved me being spotted, while I was in complete darkness (which, for those who haven't played the game, is supposed to make you invisible to the AI), by an enemy that was not only roughly thirty yards away but also - best part - had his back to me. And the AI is just the beginning of my complaints with the game's lackluster design.

But hey, the graphics are really neat! And for posterity's sake, The Twin Snakes absolutely mops the floor with Pandora Tomorrow. Amazing lighting effects can't come close to besting Hideo Kojima's gameplay mastery.

Kevin Cameron

Let's see, it's been another Final Fantasy kick of sorts this past week. Between the usual assorted fun in school and work, I've managed a few sit-down sessions with Crystal Chronicles. I haven't finished the game for two reasons: one, I'm holding out until I have the best equipment in the game; and two, I can't seem to gather my homies for enough caravan outings. This tends to be the case with a lot of multiplayer games I buy: interest is high for the first month or so and wanes to a pitiful show of support. Oh well.

Since the friends won't play, I get my social Final Fantasy fix through other means. Yes, folks, I broke down and bought Final Fantasy XI last weekend. Hey, at least I wasn't one of those suckers who bought the PS2 version, BBA, keyboard, and toaster. Nope, just a simple 50-dollar PC version, thankyouverymuch. Although I have to say, for someone who snickered at the monthly fees, World Passes, and the inclusion of online play in a story-intensive series such as FF, I've been sucked into the world of Van'Diel. On the bright side, I've met nothing but friendly and helpful players since my induction, making certain theories about online personality debatable.

Nevertheless, I'm sure such fools exist even in FFXI. I'm just lucky to have not met them yet.

Chris Scantleberry

Hours before this latest editorial iteration was developed, I was going to take the lazy route and basically, well . . . not report anything. I feel as if my gaming time has gotten so much shorter as of late. Of course, I spent a great deal of time with Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, a game which many have exalted as a superb translation. I am sure you've heard this a lot by now, so I apologize for restating the thought, but I wish the game had some more extras.

I know. You're thinking. "It doesn't need it. You're just being picky." And ,well, you're right. Little things in games put a smile on my face, and as I pointed out in the review, that would've sealed the deal, making Twin Snakes the ultimate collector's item. Perhaps I should look into importing the Japanese version, which actually does include the original 8-bit Metal Gear game.

Anyways, in no natural order, I've been messing around with a few games; though, nothing else quite as extensively as the aforementioned gem. So here's a brief breakdown best summed up as "first impressions":

Breakdown (Xbox) - Namco's experimental hybrid action/first-person shooter game has been hit-and-miss with some players. Here's what I know so far: you assume the role of a character who ends up being the last hope for humanity and bored gamers everywhere. No, wait, that's not right. Actually he's some sort of super soldier that you start off practicing his combat abilities and prowess with a gun. Then he's given a poisoned Big Mac, and later barfs it all up. (Shame on you McDonalds, clearly he wasn't lovin' it). Now I've got some weird lady trying to convince me that I know her. Well, looking at these four walls isn't really very enjoyable. I suppose I'll follow her and get out of this place. I don't know why these soldiers are attacking me, but how does the game expect me to escape if you don't give me enough bullets to pump them full of lead? Great, I am dead.

Guess I need more practice.

Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow (Xbox) - I didn't really give Sam Fisher's first adventure the time of day. He just didn't appeal to me as much as Solid Snake, but the sequel has slowly been changing my mind. After being coerced by my co-workers to buy the game so we could all play online, I caved in and picked it up. The verdict so far? Great game in single-player; it's not nearly as frustrating as the original. And the split-jump-that-looked-so-cool-but-it-played-you-because-it-rarely-got-used makes atonement in the sequel in a big way. I definitely feel the game is more realistic than Metal Gear, with its walking mechs, fanatical ninjas, and everything else. The elements in Splinter Cell truly feel like something that actually could happen, thus making the adventure much more compelling and enjoyable. It's safe to say that I'll definitely be spending time with this one.

As for the multiplayer . . . um, I am hating it. Not because I am not good at it, but basically because, um, I am not good at it. For those of you not in the know, the multiplayer mode offers two distinct game modes. You can choose to be the sneaky spies that scurry through ventilation shafts, climb, bomb, and inevitably use every trick in the book to evade their enemies, the mercenaries. Playing as a spy paints the action in a third-person perspective, while the mercenary mode can be likened to your typical FPS theme - a theme that I've regularly been forced to accept, since I can't seem to get anywhere through the available maps without being gunned down. Compare that to local forum members (e.g., Rich) who masterfully can get the drop on you without a second thought before you realize it's all over and he's off to collect the ND133s (the spies' primary objective). Though what has to be more annoying was the recent session instabilities, making it very difficult to get a match with players and/or corrupting your profile. Thankfully Ubi Soft answered with a patch in a speedy fashion, turning a lot of unhappy expressions upside down quicker than you can say "Lambert."

Unfortunately, the minor improvements didn't upgrade my personal performance. I want my money back! Or maybe not.

Street Fighter (Online) - Of course, you should know there's no official platform for any Street Fighter game (unless you count Capcom vs. SNK 2: EO for Xbox), so I am talking about . . . emulation. Coincidentally, Capcom has shut down its U.S. coin-op division, and I've been sitting at home, bored to tears that I have no local players to compete with whenever I want to get a little gaming in with the World Warriors. Thankfully, MAME/Kawaks makes that all a breeze. I spent some time playing with cka, and a few of the local forum regulars in Street Fighter Alpha 2/3, shaking off the rust and struggling to remember some ancient combos that I haven't executed in years.

Surprisingly, I did pretty well (still waiting for cka to come back for a rematch), while TNL Forums Shine Aqua managed to score some nice wins with peculiar Chun Li tactics. I just picked up Super SF II Turbo and I am hoping to give that and Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo some gaming time too. I just hope eventually Capcom USA wakes up and brings all of the classic SFA games to Xbox or something. Hyper Fighting and SF3 are rumored to be in development, but as usual, Capcom USA publicly says they can't comment on games "that do not exist." Come E3, if a new fighting game from them isn't revealed, I am going to Shoryuken someone.

Anyways, during the next week or so, I'll be spending some time with Harvest Moon, Drakengard (Square Enix's Monica is going to kill me if I don't), the oft-neglected Metroid: Zero Mission, and whatever else has been laying around my entertainment unit. See you soon.

Anthony Onyrscuk

All right, I have to confess I'm not actually playing Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life. I can't be bothered. I do, however, have a character named after me, who has a dog named Panzer - not after the Sega series, but after my dog, who is named after the Sega series. I also have chickens and cows named after various edible parts of chickens and cows. I'm told that I married a real bitch and we had a son. I named him Snake. Apparently he's very good at sneaking around undetected, and I've found myself screaming his name comedically at his various antics. At least I would, if I were playing it myself.

Not like I get to play much with the Harvest Moon addict around, but I did get in an hour or so of Super Bubble Pop earlier in the week. You might think it's similar to Bust-a-Move or one of the thousand other games exactly like it, but it's not. I'm tempted to say it's like a 3D Puyo Pop but I might have Puyo Pop confused with something else. Anyway, it's basically your standard puzzle time-waster, but for $10, it's worth it. It has a club soundtrack that you will either love or mute, but with a badass Irish shanty mix and one track titled "The Next Level," it does right by me.

The Radiant Silvergun soundtrack isn't a game, but that doesn't mean I haven't been playing the hell out of it. I'd say it's Hitoshi Sakimoto's best work, and I love basically everything the man has composed - his score made Silvergun a legend instead of just merely a wonderful game. The CD has 20-odd tracks in all, including OST and (subtly) remixed versions of all the gameplay tracks. This release is a second pressing and it probably won't be around for very long, so if you love Silvergun or just great game music in general, head over to Cocoebiz and place your order.